


Mann VS Magic

by Ooflord21000



Category: Highschool DxD (Anime), Team Fortress 2
Genre: Blood and Gore, Cyborg Engineer, Demon Pyro, Fallen Angel Medic, Future TF2, Gen, Magic Using Mercs, Mild Gore, No Romance, No Smut, OP Mercs, Powerful Mercs, Species Swap, Stupid Soldier
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:27:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28172406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ooflord21000/pseuds/Ooflord21000
Summary: In a bizarre world where every religion is correct, and every religious figure is incredibly overpowered, will everyone's favorite mercs be able to survive? Yes, they will. And they'll probably act really stupid along the way.
Kudos: 14





	Mann VS Magic

The Engineer was a simple man. He hailed from Bee Cave, Texas, where he was known to invite the entire town to a giant barbecues every other weekend. He was also a mechanical genius, being able to make just about anything. This had brought the attention of Reliable Excavation Demolition, or RED for short. They recruited him, along with eight other men to fight a war against their enemy, Builders League United, also known as BLU. The war had taken a lot longer than anyone could have expected, lasting long past the death of the company's CEOs, who still ordered the war from beyond the grave.

The war had eventually ended though. It ended in the year of 1972, the year the Administrator had finally died. With the death of her, the mercs were free from their contracts. They had all parted ways after that, only seeing each other on halloween to beat Merasmus. Over the years, the mercs had passed away. The only ones left were the ones who had found a way to extend their lives beyond anything human. Those who remained consisted of; Pyro, who was most likely not human anyway. Medic, who had managed to completely stop the aging process through unknown means. Soldier, who stole an immortality spell from Merasmus. And lastly, Engineer, who had rebuilt so much of his body that he was more robot than human.

Engineer, or Dell Conagher, currently lives in the ghost town of Teufort. He had a teleporter network that spanned the world, access to every camera on the earth, and the most heavily guarded home on earth. He had done many things in the thirty six years of free time he’d had. One of his many achievements was reprogramming the entire Gray Mann army, which now sits in an underground complex, waiting for the moment their master needs them. He had also managed to preserve the minds of every one of his deceased comrades, waiting for the right time to open them up.

Over all, Dell had done a lot, and now he was bored. He could help humanity as a whole, maybe invent time travel. None of that really sounded fun though. Dell wanted to relive the olden days of fighting something, anything. And today, little did he know it, would be the day he got his wish. Today he had found the strangest corpse.

Teufortress

Dell’s P.O.V

“You got any idea what this thang is doc?” I asked Medic, who was focusing on the strange body we’d found earlier that day. “Vell, it’s identical to a human body, the only difference being zee vings and a strange energy zat radiates from zee body.” He replied while wiping his hands clean of blood. “All sings considered, it seems more like a genetic mutation zen anything else. I vould be very interested in taking zee body vith me however, as I would enjoy having vings.” he continued, eyeing up the creature's black wings. 

“Well, I don’t see any problem with it, knock yourself out doc.” I said, granting my colleague full rights to the body. “Pyro, get over here and help the doc with this here body.” I requested of the mumbling menace. Pyro stood up, quickly moving over to assist with the body. “Intruder alert! -Unknown perpetrator- in the base!” yelled the recorded voice of the long dead Administrator.

“Soldier! What did I say ‘bout triggerin’ alarms in the base!” I yelled up, hoping that the flying buffon would hear me. “I am standing right behind you maggot, that was not me.” replied Soldier. “Wait, if that wasn’t you... then there’s a damn intruder! Grab your weapons boys, we’re goin’ to the battlefield!” I yelled, grabbing my stock shotgun. I then dashed into the elevator that would take us to the main floor. Once everyone was in, we took off upwards. With a screech, the elevator came to a stop. 

“ATTACK!” Soldier yelled at the top of his lungs. As if a gun went off, we charged out of the elevator, only to find no one there. “Are you sure zat it vasn’t just a mouse?” asked Medic, his disappointment at the lack of enemies obvious. “So it really was just a group of humans? And here I was preparing for an actual fight.” came a female voice from the shadows. “A woman? What is a woman doing talking about fighting? Go back to the kitchen maggot!” yelled Soldier, who was shouldering his direct hit. 

“Excuse me?!” yelled the voice. A source of light suddenly appeared, revealing what looked like a stripper. I then took notice of what the light source was, a spear made of light. “You ain’t thinkin’ of attackin’ with a spear are ya?” I asked, confused about the woman's intentions. The woman appeared to be serious, as she charged forward with her previously hidden wings, only to be blocked by a spout of flames coming from Pyro’s Phlogistinator. Well, not blocked, more like knocked away by the pure pressure. “Pyro you Dummkopf! I want zis von alive for testing!” Yelled Medic.

The yelling was interrupted by a spear of light being thrown right through Pyro’s head. “Vell zen, that saves me zee problem of disciplining you.” Medic said with a smirk. The woman stumbled to her feet, her skin blistered and bubbling from the fire. “I did not give you permission to stand, maggot!” said Soldier, who rocket jumped forward, shovel swinging. The winged woman tried to block the shovel, but Soldier was just a bit too fast, his shovel coming down on her head with an audible crack. After a few moments of hitting the women with his shovel, Soldier took a step back to admire his work. “That men, is how it is done!” he yelled with a triumphant smirk. 

“Vell, mint condition vasn’t a necessity.” Medic Deadpanned as he got a closer look at the women. “You fellas don’t figure that she had any allies do ya?” I asked, looking around the main entrance. “A woman having an actual battle plan? Yeah right, what a bunch of crap.” dismissed Soldier. “I’ll arm the sentries jus’ ta be safe.” I said, hitting a few buttons on my arm, causing numerous level three sentries to rise from the ground.

With that, we piled back into the elevator. “Pyro, hurry up and remove zat spear.” yelled Medic. Pyro looked at him for a second before seemingly realizing that there was indeed a spear in its head. It quickly ripped the spear out and chucked it to Medic. “Danke.” Medic simply said as he looked at the bloody spear. 

Once we made our way down to the examination room, Medic set the new women on another table, then proceeded to tie her down with a high caliber chain. “Still thinkin’ it’s a mutation doc?” I asked, walking over beside him. “Vell no. Zee likelihood zat two people vould have zee same mutation is very low.” Replied Medic as he hooked his medi-gun to the ceiling. “So, ya want me ta leave Pyro here to help ya with interrogations, or should I take ‘im with me?” I asked as Pyro walked over to sit in front of the fireplace. 

“Yes, zat vould be helpful, bring it here.” Replied Medic as he ran a double check over his equipment. “Vile your at it, vould you be so kind as to bring me my saw?” He requested. “Yeah, sure thang doc.” I replied, chucking him the saw. “Hey Pyro, the doc wants your help.” I told the mumbling menace. The beast nodded, hoping to its feet and running over to Medic. Seeing no further need for my skills, I brought out my Rancho Relaxo and took a seat. With a gulp of beer, I relaxed into the chair.

Tuefortress

Ludwig’s P.O.V

“Vakey Vakey sleepy head.” I said with an evil smirk, pouring acid over the womens face. She woke up screaming in pain. “Oh goodie! You're avake already!” I said with a smile, I then used my Medi-gun to heal up the women. “So, vould you mind telling me your name?” I requested. “Let me go you human scum!” she retorted. “Vrong answer.” I said with an evil smirk, signalling to Pyro to do the thing. With a hiss, the light from Pyro’s flamethrower lit up the dark corner it was hiding in. “Does zat change your answer?” I asked with a smirk. “R-Raynare! My name’s Raynare.” she yelled in fear. 

“Goodie! Now, vould you mind telling me vat you are?” I asked, leaning back against the wall. “I’m a Fallen Angel of the Grigori.” she replied. “Fallen Angel? As in zee ones zat zee Christen Bible mentions?” I asked, intrigued at the concept. “You mean you don’t know about the supernatural? But that… thing in the mask is a stray demon.” I looked over at the Pyro, who was still pointing its flamethrower at Raynare. “Zat’s believable.” I simply said. “Vould you mind explaining to me vat zee supernatural entails?” I asked.

About two hours later

“Vell zen, zis is a vonderful opportunity!” I said giddily. Just thinking of all the opportunities I now have is amazing. I can see it now, I’ll be walking through battlefields, collecting specimens with just a flick on my hand. I’ll have wings and magical shields. I’ll have mastery over every form of magic possible. “You have served your purpose, I’ll deal with you later.” I said to the Fallen, signaling to Pyro that it could have its fun. Ignoring the sound of screaming, I walked over to Engineer. 

“I take it you heard zat conversation?” I asked. “Yep, quite the story she had. Sure would love to strengthen mah Sentries with that magical mumbo jumbo.” he replied. “I need your help vith attaching zese vings to my back by zee vay.” I said as I walked over to the examination table. “Sure thang doc.” he simply replied, moving to grab a few medical tools. I can put magic off to a later date, but flight was a necessity. Well, not a necessity, but it was the cooler, more readily available option. Who wouldn’t want to fly?

Tuefortress

Post-procedure

Ludwig’s P.O.V

“Well, I ain’t no expert, but I think we’ve done it.” Engineer said, standing back with a smirk. “I vill be zee judge of zat.” I said failing to stand due to the extra weight. “Well, while you try ta stand, I’ll give ya a run down of what I added.” I gestured for him to continue while I screwed around trying to bring out my new wings. “Now, I originally figured that fixin’ them up to your nervous system woulda been the hardest part, but they just kinda did that on their own. So ta be honest, I didn’t add much.” he said, while scratching his bald head.

“While runnin’ some tests though, I found that the strange energy seems to have moved over to your body. Now I’m not sure, but I’d say that fucked something over, ‘cause after that happened, two extra sets showed up.” he continued. “I’m sorry, but vat? Vat do you mean zat I grew two more sets?” I interrupted. “As I was goin’ to say, I’d have to say that adding those wings made the world recognize you as one of them Fallen Angels, meaning you grew wings to accommodate your souls power or somethin’.” He said. As if on cue, I managed to bring out my wings.

I can definitely say that I have six wings now. “Vell zen, does zat mean I can use those strange light spears?” I asked, enjoying the concept of prodding the human body with ‘holy’ energy. “I don’t have the faintest idea what you can do.” Replied Engineer as he examined the wings. “Vell, zat can vait for later. For now, I need to learn how to use these. How hard can it be to fly?” I asked as I finally managed to stand up. “Raynare did say that Pyro was a Demon or somethin’, maybe it had wings? If it does, it could teach ya.” Stated Engineer who turned to look at Pyro, who was playing in an oil bath. “I doubt it. Zat creature vouldn’t teach me If zee vorld vas ending.” I explained.

“Medic! Why are you wearing wings?” yelled Soldier, who was walking out of the elevator. “I am not just vearing zem you dummkopf, I am employing zier assistance in zee art of flight.” I stated, amazed at the patriots idiocy. “I have been flying for years without the slightest need for wings maggot! You’re just being a pansy!” yelled the buffoon. “You’re just a fool who can’t bring himself to see zee value of my scientific achievement!” I retorted. “It was my achievement too doc, don’t go stealin’ all my credit!” Engineer said with a scowl. 

“You said it yourself zat you didn’t do anysing!” I yelled. “Shut up maggots! The strange phone in the angle womens pockets is ringing!” yelled Soldier. I quickly ran over to it and lifted it to my ear. 

“...Hello?” the second I said that the ringing stopped. “Who is this!? You’re not Raynare!” yelled a voice from the other side of the line. “Vat gave it away? Zee accent, or zee fact zat I’m clearly a man?” I deadpanned at the stranger. “Not important, answer my question!” the voice yelled. “I am zee Medic, zat is all you need to know.” I said, relaxing into an armchair. “Where the hell is Raynare!?” the voice asked loudly. “No introduction? Vat a shame. Vell, Raynare is unfortunately not vith us anymore. Also, vee just got a new shipment of Fallen Angel organs if you’re looking to purchase.” I said with a giggle. “W- you bastard!” yelled the voice. I hung up, throwing the phone to the side. “Vell, it vould appear zat vee have started a var on zee Fallen.” I said with a smile.


End file.
